The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize