With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Randomize
