when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
