why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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