i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
There r osticjed everywhere
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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