just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
