Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Randomize
