hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
