dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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