would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I wish they made helmets for livers.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
