im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
