I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
