I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
