Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
