Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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