Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
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