you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
soo... how was my night?
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
