I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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