Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Randomize
