I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
