True but thats because hes a fetus.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
