i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
