Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Randomize
