What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
