im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
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