Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
