im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I FOUND THE LEGS
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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