This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize