Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
We have started to decorate penises.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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