I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I just found puke in my bra..
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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