How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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