My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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