You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
