Dual....:-)
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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