where am i from again
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
it's like heaven, but drunker
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
BRING THE BAGELS
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize