I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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