Are we in a gay sports bar?
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize