and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Randomize
