WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
