you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
