her vagina looked like bernie madoff
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
