You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
