These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
