so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
