White coat. Heels.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Someone signed my nipple.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
