My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
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