How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I wish you could order shots online.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
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