Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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