Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Randomize
