I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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