Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
We need to get me chipped asap
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize