Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
