Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
