When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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