my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
