Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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