These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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