sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
