Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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