Kiss
Puke
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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