the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
