I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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