You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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