Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Well I just put wine in my tea
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
