How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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