Ambien. No doubt about it.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
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