it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
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