The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
