do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
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