somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
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