i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
