i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
