sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Just high enough for therapy.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize
