Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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