my phone needs a breathalizer
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
