Barsexuality is the new black.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
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