Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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