Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
