Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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