At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
