Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Randomize