At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I didn't notice because vodka
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize