Ambien. No doubt about it.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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