Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
