How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Randomize
