I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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