I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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