I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
never play flip cup with pint glasses
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Randomize
