Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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