Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
