did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
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