i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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