don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
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