More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I stole a fireplace last night.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
