I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Randomize
