I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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