You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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