Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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