eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
A bitchslap is in order.
Please don't give away my fajitas
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