oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
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