I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
