Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
