And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
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