My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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