he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
