I feel great
I just peed on a car
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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