margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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