Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
