Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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