Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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