We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
