On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
